Come As You Are, Friend.
I’m someone who has been blessed immensely with good friends and good people throughout my life. I was a shy, quiet, do-gooder growing up. That paired with friends whose idea of a wild Friday night was binge watching ‘How I Met Your Mother’ in my parents’ basement while eating a plate of mini-cheesecakes and too much Indian food, kept me from ever not really feeling the urge to get into trouble. I was inspired by a post on Facebook by blogger Jesse Johnston about the importance of a Come As You Are friend.
Adult friendships can be challenging. And let me just say, making new friends as an adult is hard. It’s hard mainly because you don’t always want to step out of your comfort zone. In addition, work schedules, meetings, budgets, and kids making new friends doesn’t always become priority number one when your current friends have forgotten the sound of your voice. But if you’re lucky, and I mean really lucky, a Come As You Are friend will rise to the top. Now, like I said I have many people I hold near and dear to my heart. Who no matter where I am or what I’m doing, they’ll be there if I need them. They’re never a phone call away.
When I think of a Come As You are friend, one friend in particular comes to mind. My friend Claire. She’s one of the above mentioned binge watching, hilarious, and genuinely good-hearted people. If there’s a definition of a Ride or Die friend it’s her. When I had my son, it seemed like so many jumped ship and I was no longer relevant or worth a text. But Claire? She showed up mid-December from Cincinnati with a box of donuts to help me decorate for Christmas when I was too pregnant and exhausted to do much of anything. A few months later, she came to meet my sweet new son and let me cry about having trouble breastfeeding. She let me come apart at the seams in what I now realize was the throws of postpartum depression. She showed up and continues to show up, not just physically but via text, Facetime, and unexpected gifts at my door after a really hard week. She listens, gives advice, or just hands me a beer. Even with different opinions, feelings, and viewpoints, there has never been a shred of judgement. She has been one of the loudest voices cheering me on through motherhood, starting a business, and life in general. When others didn’t make the time, she’s been there. More than anything, I hope it’s been a two way street, because the best friendships are. I hope that I’ve been a Come As You Are friend to not only her but others who have been there for me.
I say all this to say that we should strive to be someone’s Come As You Are friend. There are so many expectations put upon us by society, work, family, and the list goes on but friendship should be a high expectation free zone. If you’ve had a bad day, if you got a crazy awesome raise at work, if you don’t quite know how you feel about something, friends should be ones to pour glass of wine for you...or throw one with you, depending what you’re feeling.
For those reading, my schedule is never too busy for you. My coffee pot is always ready. I usually have some chocolate, champagne, veggies, grilled cheese, or tea on hand depending on what you’re feeling. I’m almost always on the verge of tears (not because I’m sad, I just have a lot of feelings) if you need someone to cry with. I’m always ready to yell. I have good advice or I can just listen. I may not understand, but I hope you know you can come exactly as you are.
