One Year Ago
On January 21, 2019 at 3:11 PM I changed forever. I fulfilled a quiet dream inside me and became a mom. I joined the ranks of countless amazing women in my life, my own mother reigning supreme in my book. Aside from weight gain, pregnancy was relatively easy for me. I mean not every second was a day at the beach, but I loved and appreciated every bit of it. My doctor advised me to go on maternity leave a week before I was to be induced. Before that week I had my job, social events, and baby prep to keep me busy but the week before Remy’s arrival I was alone most of the day. With the preparations done and my social calendar wide open, my mind was left to wander. The doubt and insecurity began to creep in. The thoughts like I wasn’t ready to have a child, that I wouldn’t be a good mom, that he would change too much, and what if he didn’t survive? played on a loop that week. As my induction day crept closer and closer, these thoughts got louder.
Finally, the day arrived. My mind was pretty blank once the labor process started as I tried to keep myself calm. At one point, it clicked, “I get to meet my son today!” I thought and with the intense focus and clarity that usually comes from four shots of espresso, that thought gave me courage to do the really hard thing I’d been panicking about and bring a healthy baby into the world. I did the thing I felt I wasn’t ready for. I did it scared, as Christy Wright says. Ever since that day, my son has given me the courage to keep doing hard things. Things I don’t feel ready for. Things that seem way above me. Things that maybe belong in someone else’s life. This past year has been full of wonder and change. When I start to think that I’m not ready or qualified for something, I see my son’s sweet face and glittering brown eyes reminding me of all I’m capable of.
So I urge you, whatever the hard thing may be for you, know that you are capable. You are capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for. Nothing worth having comes easily, in my opinion, except maybe a spicy potato soft taco from Taco Bell. If you haven’t tried one, you can thank me later.
