Control the Controllables
I’m sure you’ve heard this before but have you applied it? It’s amazing the difference having a sense of control has on your well being.
I’m a firm believer in being organized (duh, right?). With everything happening in the world and so much out of my control, I’ve taken being organized a step further to apply simple principles to my whole self. In the words of Aaron Burr from Hamilton “I am the one thing in life I can control” (words can’t express how much I love the song “Wait For It” So. Good.).
This includes:
My Home
My Thoughts
My Actions
My Finances
My Health
My Home. I may not be able to control the actions of the people in my house, though believe me I’ve tried. Toddlers and spouses seem to have minds of their own. No one told me this! Joking. Though I can’t control other people, I can control how easy our home is to navigate and what my expectations are for our home. I can control clutter, dirt, pet hair, etc. I can be a thermostat for my house and set the temperature for how easy and peaceful our house is. I can communicate to my husband what I want versus what I need and listen to his wants and needs.
My Thoughts. This is a big one, so sit tight. I used to spend a lot of time worrying about what other people thought about me and how I run my life. As Rachel Hollis said “what other people think of you is none of your business”. Whoa. If I’m doing my best, being a good person, running my business with integrity, and loving my people well, who am I to worry about what someone else thinks of me? The likelihood of pleasing everyone is very small.
Dr. John Delony says to only put people in “your box” who are worthy to speak into your life. Those are the only people who are allowed to upset you and advise you. I realized I had everyone in my box! And it was crowded. After some examination, I put one person in my imaginary box. One! And it’s my husband. The person I vowed to spend my life with, to have babies with, and to speak into my life with no limits or guardrails because he’s worthy of that power. Not to say that the people in my life aren’t amazing, but inviting everyone to speak into your life feels like standing in a room with everyone shouting whatever they want at you. You’re dumb for recycling. You shouldn’t feed that to your kid. Why do you fold your underwear like that? You really shouldn’t eat organic, it’s a waste of money. That scenario led to me not really have a direction. In fact, I felt paralyzed because nothing I did was right. Now, if I seek advice on something, I’m inviting someone’s opinion because they probably know more about that subject than me. I’m giving them permission to speak into my life.
A lot of what makes our thoughts so stressful is there are so many of them. Which ones are true? What to believe? Instead of believing what everyone is saying all the time, there’s one source I know for a fact to be true: God. When my thoughts start to spiral, I think “Who told you?” (if you’ve never examined this in Genesis, it’ll blow your mind. I’ll link Christine Caine’s sermon because it’s amazing). If it didn’t come from God, I don’t need to believe it. Everyone with an internet connection is an expert. I’m learning not to believe anything unless it comes from God, not your second cousin who saw something once on Facebook.
My Actions. I control what I do and the quality to which I do it. I control how I grocery shop. What I buy. If I go through the drive thru. If I exercise. When I go to sleep. How and why I worship. How I spend time with my son. What appointments I accept. How I use my waking hours. In a time when we feel so powerless and out of control, remembering everything you do have control over is life affirming. To me, all of these things are things I’m thankful to have control over because I know not everyone does. My actions include how I give back to my community, pour into others, and fight for things I believe in. What actions do you control?
My Finances. If you’ve talked to me for more than five minutes you know how much I love Dave Ramsey and his financial principles. His mission is to get people out of debt so they can give outrageously and have control over their money. The principles are simple: live below your means, save for a rainy day, and give with crazy generosity. We started budgeting and telling our money where to go. We got a grip on debt and are working our way out. We set pavers down to set our course and let me tell you, it’s freeing. I’ve been gripped by fear of money, I’ve been a spoiled brat, I’ve felt powerless to my student loans; but, getting a plan in place gives you the reins. You become the ringleader of your circus.
The first step and truthfully the hardest part is getting control of the person in your mirror. I highly recommend checking out all the stuff going on at daveramsey.com; Podcasts, books, free downloads, and much more. Help with your money, investing, your career, starting a business, your emotional health- they’ve got it all and most of it at no cost to you. I’d also gladly share what I know and some tips I’ve acquired along the way. Getting finances in order is a huge part of being holistically organized and in control. You can do little when you’re broke and giving all your money to the bank, but the possibilities are endless when you get control of your income.
My Health. Did you know eating well and exercising will help you lose weight and feel good? Who knew?! At the beginning of the pandemic I was stress eating, stress baking, and stress sitting (it’s a thing, I swear). I’d spend HOURS on my phone absorbing all the information out there. Truthfully, it was the same thing over and over. Instead of being productive or taking care of myself, I did the opposite. When my son would go down for a nap, out came my phone and out came the cookies. Out came the cheese. Out came the potatoes. (Potatoes, forgive me, it’s not you, it’s me!). Rather than being refreshed when he woke up, I was frazzled, stressed, and beating myself up for being frazzled and stressed. So I ate. I unconsciously put back on some of the weight I’ve been working so hard to lose.
Then a whole new shame cycle started. It’s vicious if you don’t stop it. And you have to stop it. I had to stop it. I could feel my pants getting tighter, my skin getting blotchier, and my energy levels plummeting. I don’t deserve that. My family doesn’t deserve that. My mental health, above all, doesn’t deserve that. Getting control of my actions, my finances, and my thoughts gave me the room to get control of my health. Now, when Remy goes down for a nap I leave my phone in the other room and have a game plan for what I’m doing. Whether I’m on a call or doing work or taking a nap (let’s give a moment for how good naps are…), I’m not shame eating and scrolling mindlessly. I’m not even afraid to admit that one day I watched Moana in the middle of the afternoon and cried the whole way through. It was good for the soul.
Recently I’ve taken it a step farther and got an accountability partner, who isn’t my husband, to keep me on track (thanks, Whitney!) with exercise and waking up earlier. I don’t want to wake up earlier to hustle harder. I want to wake up earlier to have more time for myself. To exercise, spend time with God, focus on the day, and start the day off as Emily rather than “Ma-ma! Ma-ma! Ma-ma!” I feel more accomplished and relaxed. This just sets the day up for success rather than feeling like I’m spinning my wheels.
Thanks for sitting tight with me while I unpacked how to get holistically organized. Have you had any new revelations? I’d love to hear what’s been helpful to you. And please, share this with someone who could use it.
Here are some things I’m loving:
Christine Caine. This Australian wonder drops truth bombs left and right. Here’s the link to the sermon I mentioned above: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNQGXPmtAGs
The Christy Wright Show. Download her podcast or watch on YouTube. She’s incredible. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNQGXPmtAGs
Danielle Coke’s art & message (@ohhappydani). I’ve listened to several interviews with her and she’s so eloquent and truthful about racial inequality, running a business, and being a daughter of God. Her art is beautiful and inspiring and I highly recommend you check her out.